That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
