shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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