I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
