im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
