Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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