i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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