she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
