Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
