Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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