I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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