I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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