My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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