Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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