If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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