You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
