I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
