so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize