theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
organizing the empties. That sober.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
