I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
