i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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