I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
