i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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