I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
