If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
