evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ttyl tear gas
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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