my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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