it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
