he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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