Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
