I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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