hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
