lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
