Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize