her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As shirtless as possible
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
