just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I party with great urgency now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
