My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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