If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
