It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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