FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
