I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
