brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
