i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
