you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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