I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
being pregnant is like rehab
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
