are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
