Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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