a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
