I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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