she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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