at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
