6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
