Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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