yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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