Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's blow job season.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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