He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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