Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
