I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
