I must be too annoying 4 u.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
