The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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