I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
