To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
