Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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