i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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