Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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