Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
